pinterest - bloomin' onion bread

For the afore mentioned birthday shindig, I honestly felt that showing up with just one measly tray of delicious, amaze-balls s'mores bars was not gonna cut it. So back to pinterest I went. Except, everything of the appy persuasion that piqued my interest seemed to be sweet. Until I found this gem...





Say it with me: BLOOMIN. ONION. BREAD.

I will say without a doubt that this is, like, 10x better than the shit from Outback - a). bc it's baked, not fried, b). it has cheese! c). it will not make you take a mad dash to the bathroom within 27 minutes of consuming it.

So, start off with a nice, innocent loaf of sourdough. Don't sub out for wheat or some other "healthy" incarnation of bread - the sourdough flavor is key here.





Next comes the tough part. To mimic the whole bloomin onion "look", you're going to need to slice the bread in thin strips lengthwise (BUT DON'T CUT ALL THE WAY THROUGH), then turn it 90 degrees and slice some more. The second half is difficult, but this does not need to be a work of art, bc it will be demolished by hungry fingers soon.





Alright, once your bread somewhat resembles mine, break out the cheese. The recipe called for monterrey jack - well, I fucking hate that shit. So, Gouda it was:





Cut up that bad boy into little pieces and then carefully insert in between the gaps in the bread.

Once that tedious part is done, chop up about a 1/2 cup of green onions,





melt 1/2 a cup of butter in the microwave, mix the butter, green onions, and however many poppy seeds you want and drizzle it all over that bad boy.

(Confession: in my baking fervor, I confused 1/2 a cup of butter with 1/2 a stick, and ended up using only 1/4 cup of butter. It still turned out delish, so if the thought of going all Paula Deen with full sticks of butter brings on a pre-diabetic panic attack, fear not, this will still be delish.)





Preheat your oven to 350, cover this beauty in foil, and bake for 15 minutes. Then remove the foil and bake for another 10 mins, to crisp it up. Promptly inhale (but don't burn yourself).

(adapted from The Girl Who Ate Everything, via pinterest)