cheater panzanella

Ok, I was just scrolling through my pictures for my previous post and realize I had another quick thing to throw at ya that requires very little effort to write up OR prepare. WINNER WINNER chicken dinnerrrr.

I usually go home at lunch, for a multitude of reasons: my demon puppy usually needs to be let out, the dining option in downtown Houston as surprisingly awful, plus I am pretty convinced that the fluorescent lights in my office are going to give me a seizure someday, so the less time spent under them, the better.

By the time I drive home and back, that’s 20 minutes out of my 1 hour lunch break. Then there’s the necessary dog caring, etc., and you start to run out of time to prepare yourself a meal real quick. This solves that problem and is fresh and healthy. I call it: cheater panzanella! (real panzanella is more onion focused and has vinegar and other stuff)

Ok, you will need:

- 1 small avocado
- 1 small-medium tomato
- 2 smallish pieces of your favorite wheat bread (I got this great honey wheat bread from HEB, the seedilicious bread from Whole Foods would work well, too)

Alright, dice your avocado. Put in a bowl. Cut your tomato in half, remove seeds, dice, put in bowl. Toast the bread. Cut into squares. Put in bowl. Add salt, 1-2 tbsp of GOOD olive oil, and basil is nice, too. Toss to combine. ENJOY!!!!

a refreshing summer treat!

Apologies for the blogging hiatus. Not gonna lie, the more bored I get at work, the less motivated I become across the line. Hence, I have pictures of some food I’ve created, ready and waiting to be blogged about, but no actual intention of writing this shit up.

Also – side note – to those of you planning your imaginary weddings on Pinterest… all I have to say is enjoy this stress-less, imaginary time now. Because planning your actual wedding sucks donkey balls. I thought I had it sooooo easy: dress was purchased within a month, venue with an in-house caterer picked, bridesmaid dresses purchased, DJ booked. Phew, almost done, right? Well then you start adding up how much this shit is gonna cost you and you start realizing that your remaining budget for cake and flowers and invitations and favors and all the other fucking flotsam and jetsam that comes with weddings is slowly shrinking and you start FREAKING. OUT. Because you feel this insane and imaginary pressure to put on this grand party for your in-laws and their family and it MUST be better than your future brother in-law’s wedding was ten years ago and however much you are spending, it must feel four times more expensive, especially since your fiancé decided to blab to his family how much money YOU and YOUR family are spending and what it’s no big deal who cares, YES IT IS A VERY BIG FUCKING DEAL ASSHOLE. Also, do you KNOW how much flowers cost? And fucking favors. What the fuck, they will just get either eaten or tossed, but every God damn wedding featured in every wedding blog has them, and your life’s goal, besides upstaging your in-laws, is having your wedding featured on one of those stupid fucking blogs. So yes, enjoy this time in your life that is not governed by budget and family and societal pressure, because it’s a bitch. Also, that shit you’re pinning on Pinterest for your fake wedding? Trust me, you can’t fucking afford it.

So, in the words of Willy Wonka, onwards and upwards!

This is not really a recipe. It is more of a success story? I dunno. But I have gained great pleasure from this particular concoction, so I recommend it to you, as well.
Plus, it’s summer, its hot as balls, and my desire to stand over a hot stove stirring a pot of fucking risotto for an hour has greatly diminished.

Ok, so yeah: strawberry-basil-lime water.

Yes, this is water. Leave me alone, can’t you tell I’m stressed!?

Basically: get a pitcher. Take a carton of strawberries, remove half. Halve those strawberries and put them in the pitcher. Grab some basil leaves. I dunno, like 3-4 good sized ones. Chiffonade them (I am too lazy to explain this, please google it, thanks). Cut a lime in half. Squeeze the juice in. Add the halves.

Take a big wooden spoon or something of this nature and smash the fruit. Don’t, like, completely pulverize the strawberries, but you want them to be somewhat mushed. Fill the pitched with ice. Fill it with water. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours. Enjoy. Perhaps with vodka?

breakfast quinoa!

I have been feeling the need recently to switch up things with my breakfast routine. Get something a bit more substantial in there – something warm and comforting and, I dunno, breakfast-y?

Oh, and something that is grab and go, too. Which is kinda a tall order.

I used to really love the packets of maple brown sugar super sweet disgusting quaker oatmeal, that you just add hot water to and go. But, for one, I’m reaaalllllyyy trying to cut out process shit from my diet wherever possible (beer is still allowed, for example), and I dunno, I was craving something more.

ENTER: breakfast quinoa.

I’m not gonna dive into all the accolades available for quinoa – y’all can google it for yourselves. But, long story short, quinoa is actually a seed, is gluten free, is loaded with protein and some other important crap, and has a mildly cous-cous like consistency. Which makes it less mushy and texturally disgusting than oatmeal (don’t lie – even if you like oatmeal, that shit is kinda disgusting).

I experimented with a few different preparations of the breakfast quinoa before arriving on the perfect recipe, which is not too sweet, but still has flavor. Plus, you can pretty much add anything you want to it. It’s a blank slate.

I like to make a big batch on Sunday, and package it up into individual Tupperware containers, so I have a week’s worth of breakfast. Grab and go, baby. This is how to make enough for 5 days’ worth of yumminess (or, a business week for you nitpickers).
You will need:

- 1 ¼ cups dry quinoa (may I suggest buying it in a package that says “pre-rinsed?” because I can’t tell you what to do with anything that is not rinsed)
- 1 ½ cups of coconut milk (unsweetened)
- Honey
- Pumpkin pie spice (for convenience – you can also use cinnamon, a bit of sugar and nutmeg)
- Vanilla extract
- Chopped nuts of your choosing (optional)
- Almond butter flavor of your choosing (optional)
- Frozen fruit of your choosing (optional – but I suggest raspberries and blueberries)




Dump the quinoa and coconut millk into a sauce pan over high-ish heat. Once you get a nice simmer going, reduce to medium. Add the honey, vanilla and spices. I do, like, 2 nice squeezes of honey, probably 2-3 tsps of vanilla?, and a few dashes of pumpkin pie spice. You want it to smell just delish – its kinda hard to go overboard. But it’s possible, so be careful.




Cover the pot and simmer until all the liquid is absorbed, stirring occasionally. If it stops simmering, turn the heat up a little bit. Once all liquid is absorbed (about 20-25 mins), remove from heat and portion out into 5 tupperware containers. Garnish with chopped nuts (I go with a mix of walnuts and pecans), frozen fruit, and a tbsp of almond butter (I personally love Justin’s Vanilla Almond Butter, but dark chocolate, maple, regular… it would all work). Stick in the fridge, where the fruit will unfreeze itself and leak yummy juices all into your breakfast for an awesome sweet/sour taste. Microwave for 1 min in the morning to reheat. Enjoy!

memorial day murph

After a lovely Memorial Day Weekend spent at Lake LBJ, outside of Austin:




I came home to this:




And this:




Which, secretly, was a bit more lovely than the weekend itself. Heartburn + sunburn + hangover + eating shit all weekend is not a good feeling, amirite?

So, rather than snuggle up on the couch with the pups and indulge in whatever episode of Law and Order happened to be on at the moment, I arrived back in Houston, where the temp was 92 and the humidity was 146%, and thought, “HEY! Let’s go make myself feel even WORSE and do a CrossFit workout at the box!” So off I dragged my ass.

For anyone not familiar with CrossFit, I can’t explain it all without boring you to tears, but basically it’s a kick-ass, high intensity workout designed around functional bodyweight movements (push-ups, squats, pull-ups), Olympic lifting, and gymnastics movements. It is perfect for the ADHD child in me, since you rarely do the same workout twice (and if you do, it will be months apart, as a means of benchmarking your progress). Also, it is infinitely scalable – you can always lift less weight, do push-ups on your knees, etc. In the same vein, there is always room for improvement and always a goal. Plus, what girl secretly doesn’t want to feel bad ass like the boys and throw some weight around?

I’ve been CrossFitting since September 2011, and Memorial Day was the first time I would be tackling one of the most respected benchmark workouts: MURPH. CrossFit has multiple benchmark workouts named in honor of men and women who have lost their lives in combat, and loved to CrossFit. Murph is named for Lt. Michael Murphy, a Medal of Honor winner, who was killed in action in Afghanistan in 2005. It looks a little something like this:

1 mile run
100 pull-ups
200 push-ups
300 squats
1 mile run
(20/12 lb weight vest for men/women)

You can break up the pull-ups/push-ups/squats however you want, but they must be bookended by the mile runs. Other hero workout rules: 1) Don’t cheat 2) Don’t quit

Let me just say – this workout is no joke. Even though I used a band for pull-ups and (duhh) did not wear a weight vest, I wasn’t breezing through this shit. It certainly didn’t help that concrete that has been baking in the sun all day is hot as hell. When I hit the ground for my first push-up, I felt like I was laying on a tanning bed.

I broke the workout up into 20 rounds of 5 pull-ups/10 push-ups/15 squats. More than 10 push-ups in a row would be pushing it for me with this (ha ha, see what I did there? “pushing” it? ha ha). Thanks to not having the ability to do regular pull-ups and having to use a band, my hands didn’t rip. But my quads were on fire about halfway through. And you wanna know what sucked? That last mile run. I thought “oh, haaay, I’ll just jog the last mile real slow, no biggie”. HA. I walked about 1/3 of it.

BUT – I finished. (Without going to my knees for push-ups!!) And so did everyone else. I’m happy to have this workout under my belt, and glad to have done SOMETHING mildly patriotic for Memorial Day, rather than just posting some bullshit on my Facebook timeline and calling it a day. While doing a hero workout may be mildly selfish (because secretly, I was also doing it to burn off the 47 million beers I consumed over the weekend), I think it’s really cool that my CrossFit box, and others around the country, do this workout every Memorial Day to remind us all that, hey, this may kick the crap out of you, but it ain’t SHIT compared to serving in the Middle East, so take your torn hands and sore quads and STFU. Or something like that. Happy summer, y’all!

spring spaghetti!!!

I know this blog has about, ohhhh, 3 readers, but for you, dear readers, I have really been at a loss lately, since I have had a bunch of dud recipes and repeats lately. Nothing new going on up in my kitchen.

This week was supposed to be a week of easy dinners (can we say grilled cheese, anyone?), because the fiancé and I are hosting the one party a year I allow him to have this Saturday, and I didn’t feel like stuffing my fridge for the week when it will be stuffed this Friday with party goodies. Don’t worry, the blog will be lit up with party goodies come early next week – pulled pork fo sho, plus whatever pinterest goodies strike my fancy.

So I found this pasta recipe on pinterest that looked simple enough, and called for fresh mint and ramps. All the stupid food blogs out there go apeshit come spring when ramps are available. You’d think they were giving out free truffles at the markets. I was curious, naturally. Except… fucking HEB didn’t have them. Apparently, they are usually just at farmer’s markets. Go figure. A quick google search in the produce aisle sent me home with a giant leek, the afore-mentioned mint, and some pancetta, because who doesn’t love bacon in all its glorious varieties?

Well, I’m pretty sure this recipe is 17x better than the original, mostly because of the pancetta, but whatever, its delish, so try it. Kthanks.

Spring Pasta with Leeks, Mushrooms, Pancetta and Fresh Mint:

- ½ a pound of pasta (spaghetti or linguine is best)
- 1 leek
- A pack of pancetta (umm no idea on the measurement)
- Baby bella mushrooms, to taste, diced
- ¼ cup white wine
- ¼ cup shredded parmesan
- Salt and pepper, to taste
- Fresh mint, finely diced (like, a tbsp?)




If you’re like me, you look at a leek and go, “what the fuck do I do with this monster?” I’m gonna tell you. Chop off the dark green leaves. You want only super light green/white stalk left. Then chop up the stalk thinly, and toss into a bowl of cold water. There is a whole bunch of grit and funk between the layers of this thing, so you want to get it out of there. Swirl the bits around in the water, then drain and set aside.




Ok, let’s next salt some water, get it boiling, and toss the pasta in. You want to cook it to jusssstttt al dente. Once it’s there, take it off the stove, drain, and toss with a bit of olive oil to keep it from sticking to itself. Set aside.

Put a large frying pan on the stove, and turn the heat up to medium-high. Once hot, put the pancetta in there (if you’re like me, you buy it in a pack all diced for you – if you’re not like me, well shit, dice that crap up first. Use your head here). Let the pieces get a bit brown and crispy, and the fat render out, about 2-4 mins. Toss the mushrooms in with the pancetta, salt them (to draw the moisture out), and cook for another 1-2 mins.

Put the cooked pasta in the frying pan with the pancetta and mushrooms and let it get a bit toasty, stirring a bit to get all the pieces cooked through. I’d say leave it in, ohhh, 2-3 mins. Yeah.

NEXT toss in the sliced up leeks, as much or as little as you want, and toss constantly, until leeks are wilted. Again, 2-3 mins.

Pour in the white wine. It will bubble up and mostly evaporate. (Confession time – I didn’t have any white wine on hand. I did, however, have an open bottle of Andre that I’m sure was half flat. So I used that. It still tasted good.)

Sprinkle the shredded parm all over the toss the pasta. As soon as the cheese is all melty, turn off the heat, and sprinkle as much mint as you want throughout the pasta. Toss until mint is just wilting. Seriously, maybe taste the pasta and add more mint if you’d like. I wish I’d used more mint.

Serve this up and enjoy! It is seriously yummy and easy easy easy!

holy blogging hiatus.

Well, this is a sad little gap in the life o' this blog.

Even more sad is the complete lack of food shtuffs I have to blog for you! I have spent the last week eating out on my parents' dime, and consumed at LEAST my body weight in crawfish. We also dined at the fabulous Phillipe (on Post Oak), which I highly recommend to anyone looking for some good eats in Houston.




So instead of recipes, I bring you some goodies you should pick up for yourself. Number one:




THIS. JUSTIN'S VANILLA ALMOND BUTTER. HOLY HELL CRACK IN A CAN.

Seriously, just buy it. You can thank me later. Just don't blame me for the weird looks you will inevitably get as you wander around your house, sucking on a spoon. (or you could be a bit more normal and spread it on an English muffin)

Alright this next one is if you're feeling ambitious and have time to kill:




The book alone is worth it for the marshmallow-chocolate chip-cornflake cookies. These are also crack. Not exactly the easiest recipe, but follow it to the T and you get this:




Which becomes this:




HOLY HELL BEST COOKIES EVER. even my mom said so. So THERE.

I will be experimenting with some more recipes for a block party this weekend, so I'll be sure to report back.

And maybe I'll be able to whip out a new recipe or 2 soon. Stick around.

world's most awesome, do-it-yourself, crab cakes. promise.

I’m really sorry, but unless you’re allergic to shellfish, there is no reason not to like crab cakes. They are delicious. And crunchy. And summery. And awesome.

The moment I became a real person with my own kitchen (and the subsequent rent – now mortgage – that comes with it), I worked on creating a perfect crab cake, reminiscent of the flaky, crispy delicacies that I tasted in restaurants. McCormick and Schmick’s, though a chain, has, hands down, my favorite crabby patty. I just freakin LOVE when you can put your fork into a good crab cake and it immediately flakes apart, and you get bites of soft crab along with a crispy exterior. I am mildly in love with crab cakes, if you couldn’t tell.

EXCEPTTTTT – problem. I could not, for the life of me, come close to creating a similar masterpiece of my own. I mean, my crab cakes tasted good… but the texture? Not so much. I tried different methods of baking, frying, yada yada yada. No bueno.

Backtrack to Christmas, when my lovely fiancé gave me a gift card to take a cooking class at Sur La Table. I scoured all the menus and immediately pounced when I saw one that included crab cakes on the menu. BOOM. DONE. Would I finally get to learn how to create my own perfect crab cakes?

Alright, I’m gonna give it away – I did. These are so easy, and hands down the best crab cakes I’ve ever created. No lie. I beg you to try to ruin them (short of burning them, but that’s your own fucking fault). I was dubious that I could execute this recipe without the pre-measured ingredients from the cooking class, but I managed to pull them off brilliantly a few days later. Not gonna lie – it was a proud moment in my kitchen.

So, without further ado… crab cakes WOOOOO!

You need –

- Crab duhhhh (just buy one package, I dunno the measurement, but refer to the picture below); I got regular lump crab
- ¼ cup of mayo
- 1 egg, beaten
- FRESH parsley, about ¼ cup, finely chopped
- 2 tbsp Old Bay
- 2 tbsp Dijon mustard
- Garlic powder, salt, pepper – all to taste
- ½ cup panko breadcrumbs




Preheat the oven to 200.

In a bowl, beat that egg up, and then add the mayo, bread crumbs, parsley, Old Bay, Dijon, salt, pepper, garlic. I kinda just eyeballed the Dijon and all the dry spices.




Mix that all up, then dump in your crab meat and fold it in, being careful to preserve the chunks (aka don’t pulverize it). I would suggest tasting a small bit at this point, to make sure the spice ratio is right. I ended up adding a bit more Old Bay, Dijon and salt, personally.




Form your crab patties in any size you’d like (you can do minis for party apps, or full on meal size monsters). On a piece of tin foil, sprinkle some more panko crumbs and lightly roll the cakes in the panko, giving them a light coating.

In a large non-stick skillet, heat REGULAR olive oil over medium-high heat (not extra virgin, unless you wanna burn these things and smoke yourself out of your house). Once the oil is shimmering, gently place the crab cakes in the pan and sauté for about 3 minutes on each side, until golden brown.

Transfer to a SILPAT or tin foil lined pan, and pop in the oven. The size of your crab cake will dictate how long they bake for. Basically, you are warming them through after searing them off. Pretty hard to fuck em up at this point. I made decent sized crab cakes, and I think I baked them for a total of 10 minutes – 5 minutes each side. Oh yeah, flip em half way through.

Serve with any sort of aioli or whatever you like or plain or yeah. Enjoy. Then tell me how awesome they are. I’ll be sure to thank Sur La Table by spending some money there in the next few months.